Two Point Museum
If the words “business management simulator” fill you with dread, Two Point Museum is here to show that balance sheets and visitor targets can be fun.
Published by Sega, the latest game from the ever popular Two Point series sees you in charge of the museum. Much like a real museum, you hire staff, curate exhibitions and unblock the toilets. You play the role of a curator employed after the previous incumbent stole the entire collection (not looking at a certain well-known, large museum).
To create your collection anew, you must embark on expeditions to collect various bits of bone, frozen cave people, ghosts (yes, even intangible heritage makes an appearance) and sea creatures using the museum’s own private helicopter. So far, a typical reflection of the work of your standard curatorial team.
Where this simulation begins to fall apart is the haphazard nature of the way you are forced to collect. Each item you find is randomly assigned to your museum – and, scandalously, there appears to be no coherent collection development plan, no object entry procedure and certainly no mention of the Spectrum 5.1 standard.
While there is much to do before Two Point Museum’s next accreditation return, it’s clear that the designers really know their stuff. There were times I laughed – like when I forgot to put barriers around my dinosaur skeleton only to find visitors almost immediately climbing all over it. There were times I cried – like when hiring staff whose loyalty bonuses meant you were able to pay them 10% less (obviously they haven’t read the latest Museums Association Salary Research and Recommendations).
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In light of the recent Supreme Court ruling around transgender people, it was nice to see that toilets in Two Point Museum are reassuringly gender neutral.
If you’ve ever visited a museum and think “I could do a better job than this”, this is the game for you.
Meowsterpiece Museum
Meowsterpiece Museum is a cosy game involving cats all set within an art gallery. The player is given a paintbrush and tasked with revealing 500 felines that great masters from Vincent van Gogh to Salvador Dalí have concealed in their paintings.
Having recently visited the National Portrait Gallery, I was fascinated by its display on pentimento. For the uninitiated, pentimento is the name for marks made in earlier sketches later uncovered beneath the finished picture. The Italian word translates as “regret”, and I’m afraid this was my over-riding emotion when playing this game.
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Years of training, experience and skill are boiled down to a simple point and click mechanic that fails to capture the full majesty of the conservator’s craft. If you like cats but think art restoration involves cleaning stuff with a toothbrush, this game is for you.
No Man’s Sky: Relics
For anyone who’s ever thought there are not enough palaeontologists in space, No Man’s Sky has got your back.
The latest update to Halo Games’s classic explore and survive game set in a procedurally generated galaxy allows you to mine far-off worlds for alien fossils.
While Relics is certainly fun, as a museum professional there is a lot that I found concerning. First, the method of extracting bones using a mining laser does not involve the care or planning needed for such a delicate operation. And I see no evidence of recording or cataloguing.
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I’m also troubled that said relics are then promptly shipped off to your home planet to be displayed in your own private (unaccredited) museum.
In an act of deception that would have Piltdown Man spinning in his grave you, the player, are free to rearrange the bones as you see fit to create your own creature.
Obviously, the designers have not read and applied the Museums Association’s latest disposals toolkit, as any leftover parts can be exchanged at a shop on your local space station.
If you’re a fan of unethical collecting and deceptive display practices, this is the game for you.
Jamie Taylor is director of collections, programmes and learning at the Thackray Museum of Medicine in Leeds
