I went to the Museums Association (MA) annual conference in Brighton last month. The delegates are terribly common. Someone said the director of the MA dresses for dinner, but it isn’t true. I had to eat alone.
Few delegates knew about the new DCMS/London Zoo exchange programme. Ed Vaizey is on placement in a cage at the zoo, and the new minister is a monkey called Socrates.
Accompanied by his special adviser, an orang-utan, the new minister walked with surprising dignity to the podium. He presented his vision silently, through images.
First, the word ETHICS appeared on the screen. The minister showed photos of Britain today: a glittering champagne reception at the Tate (I was in the crowd!); the so-called poverty of children in nearby estates; animals in factory farms; and the impact of war and climate change on ecosystems.
Then, under the words THE MUSEUMS WE NEED, he outlined his strategy. The arts council will be replaced by a new Culture Commission, capable of supporting science and history museums.
There will be a radical redistribution of public funding from London nationals to small museums in the regions, and major investment in social enterprise and environmental programmes.
I was outraged that a mere monkey would dare to present such insulting ideas. What about excellence? Several national museum directors walked out. Socrates eyed them with scorn.
Just as he finished, a cry rang out. Ed had escaped from the zoo! Naked, he stood before the audience. “The monkey is wiser than me,” he said. “The job’s yours.” He bowed to Socrates, and left the building.
Few delegates knew about the new DCMS/London Zoo exchange programme. Ed Vaizey is on placement in a cage at the zoo, and the new minister is a monkey called Socrates.
Accompanied by his special adviser, an orang-utan, the new minister walked with surprising dignity to the podium. He presented his vision silently, through images.
First, the word ETHICS appeared on the screen. The minister showed photos of Britain today: a glittering champagne reception at the Tate (I was in the crowd!); the so-called poverty of children in nearby estates; animals in factory farms; and the impact of war and climate change on ecosystems.
Then, under the words THE MUSEUMS WE NEED, he outlined his strategy. The arts council will be replaced by a new Culture Commission, capable of supporting science and history museums.
There will be a radical redistribution of public funding from London nationals to small museums in the regions, and major investment in social enterprise and environmental programmes.
I was outraged that a mere monkey would dare to present such insulting ideas. What about excellence? Several national museum directors walked out. Socrates eyed them with scorn.
Just as he finished, a cry rang out. Ed had escaped from the zoo! Naked, he stood before the audience. “The monkey is wiser than me,” he said. “The job’s yours.” He bowed to Socrates, and left the building.
