These are exciting times. On the Monday of the riots, Sir M called all the London national museum directors to an emergency meeting at the National Gallery.
“The oiks have really crossed a line this time,” he said. “I had to leave my Merc at home this morning. My wife has just rung to say that Harvey Nics is closed. And the Savoy has cancelled our booking for dinner tonight. I want my London back.”
One director said the problem was that parents and teachers failed to instil discipline and values. He suggested that the state schools attended by the louts copy his old alma mater and introduce fagging.
Sir N reminded us that, when the chartists marched on London in 1848 to demand democracy, the British Museum barricaded its perimeters, armed its staff and ordered them to shoot the protestors. “We could do the same, and call it the Big Society,” he suggested.
Sir M proposed we issue a statement condemning people who steal, are obsessed with consumer goods, don’t care about anyone else, don’t pay taxes, and destroy the society in which they live – until it was pointed out that he had just described his collecting policy and the profile of his biggest donor.
“Then I will punish the protestors,” he said, “by cancelling all community outreach projects and withdrawing Worthless, my loan exhibition of broken pottery, from Hackney Museum”.
Just then Sir N’s fragrant personal assistant Jocasta rushed in. “Director,” she cried, “did you hear that the police have charged a millionaire’s daughter with theft, arson and criminal damage? Well, she’s on the phone now. It’s your girl, Tamara.”
“The oiks have really crossed a line this time,” he said. “I had to leave my Merc at home this morning. My wife has just rung to say that Harvey Nics is closed. And the Savoy has cancelled our booking for dinner tonight. I want my London back.”
One director said the problem was that parents and teachers failed to instil discipline and values. He suggested that the state schools attended by the louts copy his old alma mater and introduce fagging.
Sir N reminded us that, when the chartists marched on London in 1848 to demand democracy, the British Museum barricaded its perimeters, armed its staff and ordered them to shoot the protestors. “We could do the same, and call it the Big Society,” he suggested.
Sir M proposed we issue a statement condemning people who steal, are obsessed with consumer goods, don’t care about anyone else, don’t pay taxes, and destroy the society in which they live – until it was pointed out that he had just described his collecting policy and the profile of his biggest donor.
“Then I will punish the protestors,” he said, “by cancelling all community outreach projects and withdrawing Worthless, my loan exhibition of broken pottery, from Hackney Museum”.
Just then Sir N’s fragrant personal assistant Jocasta rushed in. “Director,” she cried, “did you hear that the police have charged a millionaire’s daughter with theft, arson and criminal damage? Well, she’s on the phone now. It’s your girl, Tamara.”
