This may be where Russian Vine finally justifies its sorry existence: if we get planting today, and add in some Japanese knotweed and a nice bit of Hottentot fig, we should easily reach the roof by the end of August.
We might just manage to get a lawn to grow on that wretched terrace outside the cafe where nobody ever wants to sit because the wind keeps blowing the teapots off the tables, but it’s so dark ivy might work better.
Then there are all those peculiar concrete balconies outside the windows that we never could get to open in the Millennium Wing.
If we can just get the scouts to abseil down with some grobags and a few fistfulls of Miriam Rothschild Wildflower Meadow Mix (worth trying the Rothschilds for sponsorship?), game on.
We should probably try a bit of themed planting: that north end of the oriental gallery is so wet now it’s worth trying a paddy field, a good patch of woad in the Early British wing could work very well – and could somebody ask Hampton Court if we could have a Great Vine cutting for the Romans?
Why would we do this you ask? I’ll tell you why. Is this a government minister talking about a museum? “Incredibly important to local life, which is why this government is committed to protecting them. These are special areas that invigorate communities.”
Has a government task force just concluded that just living near a museum is so wonderful it can be valued at up to £300 per person every year?
And is the government proposing to give special powers to local people to protect their museums? Don’t be so silly, of course not. But the damned tree-huggers are getting special treatment from Mr Pickles and his cronies and it’s about time we staked our claim.
So if it’s green spaces they want, let’s give it to them in wheelbarrows. Just watch out for the Russian Vine, if it gets a tendril around the caretaker’s neck, there’s nobody else alive who knows how to keep the boiler going.
We might just manage to get a lawn to grow on that wretched terrace outside the cafe where nobody ever wants to sit because the wind keeps blowing the teapots off the tables, but it’s so dark ivy might work better.
Then there are all those peculiar concrete balconies outside the windows that we never could get to open in the Millennium Wing.
If we can just get the scouts to abseil down with some grobags and a few fistfulls of Miriam Rothschild Wildflower Meadow Mix (worth trying the Rothschilds for sponsorship?), game on.
We should probably try a bit of themed planting: that north end of the oriental gallery is so wet now it’s worth trying a paddy field, a good patch of woad in the Early British wing could work very well – and could somebody ask Hampton Court if we could have a Great Vine cutting for the Romans?
Why would we do this you ask? I’ll tell you why. Is this a government minister talking about a museum? “Incredibly important to local life, which is why this government is committed to protecting them. These are special areas that invigorate communities.”
Has a government task force just concluded that just living near a museum is so wonderful it can be valued at up to £300 per person every year?
And is the government proposing to give special powers to local people to protect their museums? Don’t be so silly, of course not. But the damned tree-huggers are getting special treatment from Mr Pickles and his cronies and it’s about time we staked our claim.
So if it’s green spaces they want, let’s give it to them in wheelbarrows. Just watch out for the Russian Vine, if it gets a tendril around the caretaker’s neck, there’s nobody else alive who knows how to keep the boiler going.
