I must say the grotto really is a triumph. It’s certainly been a squeeze getting Santa Claus, the Diwali dancers, Saint Nicholas, Father Frost, the pagan shaman, the Druids and the Hannukah choir in, but the final effect is astounding – and I do think the little robin holding the “and a happy midwinter to atheists, agnostics and misogynists” card is a charming touch.
As usual, the schoolchildren will be in to act as elves, waifs and orphan climbing boys. This time their headteacher has generously volunteered them to spend all day here until the end of term. To be honest, since the boiler broke down, and there isn’t a chance of replacing it until it becomes an academy, I think she’s glad to get them out of the building.
They will also help distribute the gluten-free vegan mince pies, and those outside on the doorstep – the headteacher assures me they’re quite happy there, it’s much warmer than their assembly hall – will make sure all visitors get a copy of our “Austerity Britain: pay £5 to visit our grotto and bring us a gift” leaflet. I will be posting an update on the status of the staff party when we know the outcome of this appeal.
I believe that owing to continuing problems with their fountain, the V&A is once again converting the medieval sculpture court into a skating rink, but I really don’t think we need to worry about the competition.
I’m very hopeful that if last year’s weather is repeated, given the state of the roof, we may again be able to convert the Granny’s Seaside: Take a Walk on the Staid Side experience into our exciting Winter Wonderland With Real Snow – which, as you know, got unprecedented visitor satisfaction ratings. Who would have thought when we had to close the crazy golf course that it would make such a good toboggan run?
So, to all of you: God rest ye merry gentlemen, ordinary men, ladies, women and persons of restricted stature, let nothing ye dismay until the local authority spending cuts are announced.
