I’m a bit worried about the Infant Samuel. He does have an Oyster card and a prefect’s badge, but I fear this may not compensate for the fact that he is indeed a foreigner, born in Dublin, and the child of an economic migrant to boot.

If museums are going to introduce charges for bloody foreigners, and reserve free admission for fine upstanding Anglo Saxons, it’s all going to get a bit complicated.

We don’t have ID cards, and passports, as any thriller writer knows, prove nothing. Mobile DNA testing booths might seem the simplest solution, but those wretched Vikings, who would gad about the place so, mucked that up a bit.

In ancient times – this will stun the ranks of stag and hen nighters who converge on my native city every weekend – pubs in Dublin closed every afternoon, all day Sunday, Christmas, Good Friday, Easter and, shockingly, St Patrick’s Day.

When I was a baby reporter, grizzled hacks competed to cover the dog show held on St Stephen’s Day: it was the only place in the city serving strong drink.

But in my father’s day, up until its infamous abolition in 1953, the “bona fide” system prevailed: for an hour after Dublin pubs closed, drink was still served to “bona fide travellers”. By getting onto their bicycles, and peddling furiously for the hills, it was just possible to get there in time for last orders.

Since there was nobody living closer than the legal distance constituting a traveller, anyone who collapsed on the doorstep of these pubs was by definition a bona fide.

So a simple reverse bona fide system of border posts and stamped passes should be sufficient to regulate museum admission, avoiding any tortuous arguments about Polish builders or Filipino nannies.

For my lovely local museum in Twickenham, anyone from the far side of Richmond Bridge, or beyond the Harlequin’s ground on the A316, should clearly count as a foreigner.

For museums like the V&A you’d have to set a wider boundary: Watford might do it, anywhere north of that and you have to go to the new branch in Dundee instead if you want to get in free.