The diary of a national museum director
Part 24
On 6 May, London awoke to the wonderful news that Boris is our mayor! Joy was unconfined. A few days later I was invited to meet the Conservative hero at County Hall.
“Esne homo etonus?” he asked me, as soon as I got through the door.
“Vero,” I replied.
“Tibi notam in tua scrotum?” he asked.
“Yes, I have the scar from the initiation ceremony. Like all Etonians, I only have one testicle.”
“Wonderful!” roared Boris. “It never held me back!”
“Look, old chap,” he went on. “I’ve heard a rumour that you will locate your new National Museum of British History to Liverpool. All about the benefits of western civilisation and colonialism in lands that never learned to speak Latin. One in the eye for National Museums Liverpool!
“Now, my undying admiration when I was shadow minister for culture for the people of Liverpool, wallowing in their victim status, and blaming everyone but themselves for their misfortunes, is a matter of record.
“But London’s need is greater. For an all-round oik like Ken to almost win the mayorality, despite Labour behaving like cannibals from Papua New Guinea, shows that London must be full to bursting with Irish and other lefties. My respect for the peoples of Ireland and Papua New Guinea is of course boundless.
“Let me be clear. Unless you accept my offer of a venue in London, you will undergo an irreversible repeat of the Eton initiation ceremony, and London’s finest will as ever look the other way. Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum!”
I assured him Liverpool had never been a serious option, of course.
“Esne homo etonus?” he asked me, as soon as I got through the door.
“Vero,” I replied.
“Tibi notam in tua scrotum?” he asked.
“Yes, I have the scar from the initiation ceremony. Like all Etonians, I only have one testicle.”
“Wonderful!” roared Boris. “It never held me back!”
“Look, old chap,” he went on. “I’ve heard a rumour that you will locate your new National Museum of British History to Liverpool. All about the benefits of western civilisation and colonialism in lands that never learned to speak Latin. One in the eye for National Museums Liverpool!
“Now, my undying admiration when I was shadow minister for culture for the people of Liverpool, wallowing in their victim status, and blaming everyone but themselves for their misfortunes, is a matter of record.
“But London’s need is greater. For an all-round oik like Ken to almost win the mayorality, despite Labour behaving like cannibals from Papua New Guinea, shows that London must be full to bursting with Irish and other lefties. My respect for the peoples of Ireland and Papua New Guinea is of course boundless.
“Let me be clear. Unless you accept my offer of a venue in London, you will undergo an irreversible repeat of the Eton initiation ceremony, and London’s finest will as ever look the other way. Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum!”
I assured him Liverpool had never been a serious option, of course.